Silly ENFP

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Life, love, existentialism, bunnies and everything in between.

Anonymous asked: I miss you.


Answer:

Interesting.

I’m sure I miss you too anon but your anonymity is confuddling me. :)

— 14 hours ago with 2 notes
Existential Depression
  • When you go to your psychologist to try and talk through a genuine environmental stressor that has triggered a need to reassess the meaning of life and your search for a self-identified purpose and your psychologist immediately ships you off to be risk assessed by a psychiatrist because you don’t like a solution-focused approach.
  • When said newly-qualified young (and well-meaning) psychiatrist thinks randomly supplementing your philosophical thoughts with high doses of anti-psychotics may dull your brain to the glorious ‘socially acceptable’ level of others even though he admits you have no signs of psychosis, perceptual problems, mania or hypomania. He’s just not quite sure what else to do.
  • When you point out that if everyone who felt or thought intensely  but had no perceptual or impulse problems were such medicated there would be no poetry, philosophy or art.
  • When he looks like he is questioning his career choice.
  • When you desperately want to explain how thinking of suicide can be liberating in itself as the mere act of not doing it makes us choose to be human. In other words talking about it abstractly makes you feel more determined to live.
  • When your psychologist freaks out because you remain articulate, insightful and coherent while talking her through suicidal ideation and admits she feels overwhelmed even when you assure her you have no active will to act on such thoughts and she says she trusts you but you’re still freaking her out.
  • When you are a kid and think about the concepts of life and death but no one will allow you the space to explore the topics in a philosophical way so you end up reading Sartre and Kierkegaard too young and opening a whole new trapdoor.
  • When you have to dumb down your depression to ‘I have trouble sleeping’ and ‘I find it hard to enjoy the same things as I used to’ in order for people to semi-relate to the emotion in DSM symptoms.
  • When other people can’t handle your brain because the things that make you feel most alive to think about under stress are the same things that makes most people feel uncomfortable.
  • When examining the concept of mortality, meaning and purpose makes your brain come alive in the most intense way.
  • Being born with a brain people with thought processes and emotions people find too intense.
  • When you eat a tub of Ben & Jerry’s and realize the vast majority of people are incredibly stupid.
  • When a part of you wonders if it would have been more productive to be born with a slower brain.
  • When you sigh and just return to your tub of Ben & Jerry’s.
  • When writing a silly existential blog post and eating Ben & Jerry’s offers more comfort than poorly trained therapeutic professionals.

/end of rant

— 15 hours ago with 48 notes
#existentialism  #mental health  #depression  #existential depression  #ENFP 
Anonymous asked: Is dating an INTJ hard? I mean I am an INTJ, and I think I am kind of undateable lol. And not to mention, how did it work? I mean...explain how you two make your relationship work.


Answer:

In short, yes, dating an INTJ can be hard for an ENFP!

Equally, I think dating and learning to be vulnerable with anyone in general can often be difficult for an INTJ.

INTJ/ENFP in general
I would love to offer profound academic insights, but in reality, ENFP/INTJ relationships often resemble dog/cat relationships.

  • I instantly like most people I meet and am incredibly open, affectionate and disabling sensitive.
  • He likes his own space and remains aloof but, when no one else is watching, he secretly likes getting his ears scratched and can be quite silly.
  • We both share an intense ‘brain connection’.

How did it work?

It was a slow grower. We had known each other for a few years through my ex-boyfriend. I was probably too bubbly and outgoing for him to realise that I was actually intelligent. I thought he was aloof and possibly arrogant. He randomly told me me one evening a few years into our friendship that he thought I was very bossy when he first encountered me! I was also convinced he did not enjoy my company until the latter stages of our friendship. We have entirely different backgrounds, both career, education and socially. On the plus side our brains connected and our different backgrounds mean we are not competitive with each other (well not so often)! We had a mutual interest in internet memes, debates, random online documentaries and conversations. I really admired how he could discuss something without slipping into anger or intense emotions to make an argument.The more we talked the more he would reveal more personal thoughts, emotions and insights into his life and I felt a lot closer to him.

When I ended the relationship with my ex he stayed in touch, and when it felt appropriate, we started talking about the possibility of meeting up as something other then just friends. So, no fireworks or explosions! It was a relationship built on mutual interest, respect, shared values and goals and a love of animal memes.


How do we make it work?
It works because we both want to make it work. We both share the same values and goals in life and we are willing to be vulnerable and communicate (or try to). Our relationship has never been perfect and we have navigated road bumps but, as time goes on, we’re closer than ever.

I believe what holds the INTJ/ENFP relationship together at the beginning is often the ENFP’s ability to communicate and extract crucial information from the INTJ while waiting for the INTJ to take down his wall of stubbornness. I definitely felt exhausted in the beginning working as the ‘translator’. It took a lot of time to understand what made my INTJ happy inter-personally. I don’t think he had ever thought about it. He just assumed I’d somehow fit into his life without annoying him. Oh the delusion! Then when he was sitting in front of me and I was having one of my emotional and existential ponderings out loud I could just see him get overwhelmed. In the same way I was totally unprepared to date someone who, when stressed and vulnerable, simply shut down and pushed everyone away without the ability to communicate what he was doing or what he wanted. So translator ENFP worked full time for a few months.

The biggest thing I have learned with my INTJ is to give him space when he asks for it and even actively encourage him to take time to himself if I think it might help him. When an INTJ is overwhelmed I don’t think they are able to identify what emotions are overwhelming them. You need to understand an ENFP is programmed to talk everything out. Every tiny thing can be reflected on out loud and resolved. An ENFP might try to sit down and overwhelmed INTJ and analyse possible emotions and ‘help’ but this can cause the INTJ to shut down even more and even push the ENFP away. Then the INTJ will indirectly associate their feelings of being overwhelmed with the presence of the misguided ENFP and then it just goes into a spiral of miscommunication. My INTJ seems to process his thoughts better alone (usually on the internet or gaming) and he returns to me like a different person with a clear head. Every time he takes time by himself to more confident I grow that my therapeutic skills are not needed and, to be honest, that’s a refreshing break.

The biggest change I have seen in my INTJ in the process of making our relationship work is that he is more willing to be vulnerable in front of me. It took him a long long long time to understand that, by exposing things that trouble him about himself, we are actually brought closer together. To be honest, I only achieved this when I located an academic article which proves that women are evolutionary primed to be more sexually attracted to men who have the ability to be vulnerable in front of them (so true!). Being vulnerable means you are exposing that deep down you have fears, shame and memories. Being vulnerable is owning up to a mistake and seeking help rather than running away from it. It is showing you have insight into your own behaviour whilst also allowing someone connect to you on a personal level of trust that you would to no other. Learning to be vulnerable and intimate is the key to enjoying sex and having a love that goes beyond a casual fling. It’s saying ‘I’m really not perfect’ and the other person saying ‘i accept all of you and I love you’.


Undateable????
Absolutely nobody walking this earth is ‘undateable’. I prefer to see that comment as a real positive sign that you would like to date or be in a relationship with someone and you are evaluating your own behaviour. Maybe you are recognising that you have some interpersonal skills or habits that might make it difficult for people to be in a relationship with. The sheer fact that you have such an insight probably puts you ahead of 50% of the dating market already!

— 2 weeks ago with 29 notes
#INTJ  #ENFP  #intj and enfp  #mbti  #myers briggs 
Any other ENFPs deeply effected by Robin Williams’ death?

He was a true ENFP.

I have the strongest urge to go back in time and hug him tightly.

— 2 weeks ago with 208 notes
#ENFP  #mbti  #Robin Williams